Unicorns + Werewolves / Tubetastic back

Belay your expectations, dear readers, for they will avail you nought in this ground-breaking and surely award-winning ethological study of three species so under-investigated by even Dame David Attenborough that some still consider them mere myth. Werewolf deniers: they shouldn’t be allowed.

Take the Tubes: they have it tough. Tougher than you think. Oh, they may be able to tumble up and down dell far faster than you and I, and I daresay they can straighten out an over-rolled poster with reverse physiology simply by wrapping it round their waists for half an hour. But they have only one aspect from which to view the world: from the end of their unyielding body, ever erect, so how can they see the wider world around when all they stare up at is the ceiling? I would ask students the same question.

As to unicorns and werewolves, I for one was profoundly moved by Lizz Lunney’s detailed documentary of the problems faced in their day-to-day cohabitation, albeit from opposite sides of the wood. It’s like Westside Story but without the high heels, flamboyance and tunes. All segregation – self-imposed or otherwise – makes me delinquent with wrath, but when it results in a love so forbidden on either side that, however requited, it may never be consummated or indeed celebrated by so-called friends and relatives… well, my stony heart breaks.

Admirable neo-classical art which put me in mind of sculptor Bernini, only flatter.